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Bumper Stickers,
anonymous
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit. If we are what we eat then I'm cheap, fast, and easy. Enjoy your furs. Its real owners died in it. Is there life before death? Recycle your thoughts. Ideas are sparse these days. Surrendering to reality is tranquil suicide. Nowhere is somewhere is elsewhere, but where is here and why are we? Just remember, wherever you go, there you are. Reality is an illusion created by people without the capabilities to deal with drugs. Reverse meat hooks when not in use. In a squirrely world, you've got to be a nut to survive. Support mental health or I'll kill ya! Reality is for people with no imagination. I'm not myself today. Maybe I'm you. Mental floss? Make love not war. Hit the bed not the floor. If I know I'm going crazy then I must not be insane. Neuter Republicans. It's the law. The problem with Republican jokes is that sometimes they get elected. Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them! Don't steal. The government hates competition. Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it. Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian! Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either! I said no to drugs and passed out from the pain. When in doubt, stop the world and eat a pomegranate. Nothing really matters anymore except for a few things that don't really matter. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. Assume nothing. Never play leap frog with a unicorn. Why do we have to make up our minds? Why can't we make up our beds instead? I'd rather be a smart ass than a dumb shit. Mi girafe es su girafe. Raze amerikaz litterasies rate. Growing up is realizing you don't. Due to a lack of interest tomorrow has been canceled. Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorthy. It's been lovely, but I have to scream now. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. A woman's place is in the house, the senate, and the oval office. This is not an abandoned vehicle. I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily. It is as bad as you think and they are out to get you. When you do a good deed, get a receipt (just in case heaven is like the IRS). I is a college student. Sex on television can't hurt unless you fall off. The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful. I need someone really bad. Are you really bad? Don't laugh. Your daughter could be in this vehicle. Geez if you believe in honkus. Save California. When you leave, take someone with you. An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth. Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist. So many pedestrians, so little time. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. There are three kinds of people. Those who are good at math and those who aren't. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? I can see clearly now, the brain is gone. The beatings will continue until morale improves. I used up all my sick days so I'm calling in dead. Madness takes its toll. Please have correct change. There cannot be a crisis today. My schedule is already full. I'd explain it to you but your brain would explode. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? A conclusion is simply the place where you stopped thinking. Don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. A bird in the hand can be removed by a simple operation. Efficiency counts. One, two, three... Diplomacy is the act of saying "Nice doggie!" till you can find a rock. Department of Redundancy Department. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her . . . or something like that. I intend to live forever - so far, so good. I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy. If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough! Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb! Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States. Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 24 hours in a day. . . 24 beers in a case. . . coincidence? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! Black holes are where God divided by zero. All those who believe in telekinesis raise my hand. Life is sexually transmitted. Kids in the backseat cause accidents: accidents in the back seat cause kids. It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end! The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom. If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. Never knock on Death's Door, just ring the doorbell and run (he hates that). Lead me not into temptation, I can find the way myself. When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess? Don't take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. There are two kinds of pedestrians. The quick and the dead! I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention! A closed mouth gathers no feet. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. |
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