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Things to do When You're Bored,
anonymous
Wax the ceiling. Loosen the lug nuts on your dad's new car. Drop your cat from a high place to see if it really does land on all four feet. Rearrange political campaign signs. Water your dog... see if he grows. Knight yourself and some of your close friends. Flirt with an evergreen. Scare Stephen King. Mow your carpet. Rake your carpet (to clean up the clippings). Play Pat Boone records backwards. Re-Elect Richard Nixon. Dress like your favorite heavy metal group. . .surprise your grandmother. Listen to a painting. Buff your cat. Raise professional racing ferrets. Paint your home. . . day-glo orange. Dial-a-Prayer and argue. Change your mind. Change it back. Change your underwear. Mail Jerry Falwell a Hustler magazine. Recite romantic poetry. . . to your toaster. Paint your windows. Flash your goldfish. See if you really can build a small nuclear device in your basement. Give a Rorschach (inkblot) Test to your gerbil. Take apart all your major kitchen appliances. Mix and match the parts. Perform major surgeries on four of your neighbors' children. Mix and match the parts. Take your sofa for a walk. Go to a funeral. . . tell jokes. Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets. Get a dog to chase your car. Get a car to chase your dog. Form a political party. Throw a political party. Climb a sidewalk. Annoy yourself. Get angry with yourself. Stop speaking to yourself. Kiss and make up. Make a drive-in window at your local bank. Have a proton fight. Watch a car rust. Confess to a crime you didn't commit. Be in the wrong place at the right time. Plot to overthrow your local School Board. Request covert assistance from the CIA. Read the 1962 Des Moines White Pages. Take a picture. Take it back. Sand a mushroom. Play solitaire. . . for cash. Abuse your patio furniture. Run for Pope. If you don't win, run for God. If you still don't win, run for mayor of Toledo. Count to a million. . . fast. Have your dog bronzed. Think shallow thoughts. Run around in squares. Sterilize your stereo, with Jack Daniels. Speak in acronyms. Drive the speed limit. . . in your garage. Pay off the national debt. . . with a bad check. Give your goldfish a perm. Test thin ice. . . with a pogo stick. Be a side affect. Make a deal with the Devil. . . keep your fingers crossed. Cause a power failure. Give a lecture tour on the historical significance of cream cheese. Debate politics with a fern. If you lose, stop watering it. Spew. Interview a cloud. Play tiddly-winks. . . go for blood. Go to a drive-in movie in a tank. Go to a non-drive-in movie in a tank, and drive in anyway. Change your name. . . daily. Be a threat to the American way of life. Re-establish the Roman Empire. . . in Toronto. Play nuclear chicken with a small third-world nation. Sharpen your sleeping skills. Put out a fire. If you can't find one make one. Make a life-sized replica of the Statue of Liberty. . . out of grape jello. Bury your father's Nissan. Tell him the dog did it. Place your cat in hyper-space. Tell your dad the dog did it. Find out where all these cylinders graduated from. Perfect the internal combustion telephone. Prove once and for all that a cow can jump over the moon. Complain to God that Jupiter has more moons than we do. |
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