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Bart Simpson's Chalkboard Sentences,
by Matt Groening
I will not waste chalk. I will not skateboard in the halls. I will not burp in class. I will not instigate a revolution. I will not draw naked ladies in class. I did not see Elvis. It's potato, not potatoe. I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes." Garlic gum is not funny. They are laughing at me, not with me. I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom. I will not encourage others to fly. I will not fake my way through life. Tar is not a plaything. I will not Xerox my butt. I will not trade pants with others. I will not do that thing with my tongue. I will not drive the principal's car. I will not pledge allegiance to Bart. I will not sell school property. I will not cut corners. " " " " I will not get very far with this attitude. I will not make flatulent noises in class. I will not belch the National Anthem. I will not sell land in Florida. I will not grease the monkey bars. I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment. I will not do anything bad ever again.  I will not sleep through my education. I am not a dentist. Spitwads are not free speech. Nobody likes sunburn slappers. High explosives and school don't mix. I will not bribe Principal Skinner. I will finish what I sta Hamsters cannot fly. Underwear should be worn on the inside. The Christmas pageant does not stink. I will not torment the emotionally frail. I will not carve gods. I will not spank others. I will not aim for the head. I will not barf unless I'm sick. I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty. I will not conduct my own fire drills. Funny noises are not funny. I will not snap bras. I will not fake seizures. This punishment is not boring and meaningless. My name is not Dr. Death. I will not defame New Orleans. I will not prescribe medication. I will not bury the new kid. I will not teach others to fly. I will not bring sheep to class. A burp is not the answer. Teacher is not a leper. Coffee is not for kids. I will not eat things for money. I will not yell "She's dead" during roll call. The principal's toupee is not a frisbee. I will not call the principal "spud head." I will not squeak chalk. Goldfish don't bounce. Mud is not one of the four food groups. No one is interested in my underpants. I will not sell miracle cures. I will return the seeing-eye dog. I do not have diplomatic immunity. I will not charge admission to the bathroom. I will never win an Emmy. The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy. All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy. I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man. I will not go near the kindergarten turtle. I am not deliciously saucy. Organ transplants are best left to the professionals. The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan. I will not celebrate meaningless milestones (This was first used for the 100th new episode). There are plenty of businesses like show business. I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun. I will not whittle hall passes out of soap. Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things. I do not have power of attorney over first graders. Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does. I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr. I am not certified to remove asbestos. "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice. I will remember to take my medication. The boys room is not a water park. Beans are neither fruit nor musical. Nerve gas is not a toy. "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism. The First Amendment does not cover burping. Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough. |
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